


15x05 CODA

by Taybay14



Series: Season 15 CODAs [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15X05 CODA, Coda, Crying, I (sort of) fixed it, late night phone call, season 15 coda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-15
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2021-01-31 08:42:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21443404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taybay14/pseuds/Taybay14
Summary: It's late when his phone rings. Castiel’s fast asleep, curled up in his bed with one of Dean’s flannels in a bundle held against his chest. He jerks awake and slaps his hand against the nightstand blindly. When he gets the phone in his hand, he swipes the blurry green button with only one eye open and presses it against his ear.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Season 15 CODAs [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1514210
Comments: 14
Kudos: 164





	15x05 CODA

It's late when his phone rings. Castiel’s fast asleep, curled up in his bed with one of Dean’s flannels in a bundle held against his chest. He jerks awake and slaps his hand against the nightstand blindly. When he gets the phone in his hand, he swipes the blurry green button with only one eye open and presses it against his ear. 

“Yeah?” he answers in a groggy voice, still half asleep. 

The person’s response is a wrecked sob. It’s stretched out and desperate - full of agonizing pain and defeat. 

Castiel remembers the first time he heard Dean Winchester make that sound. The only time he has. In hell. 

It breaks his heart that Dean’s back there again. That Chuck’s made his whole world a hell that even Castiel can’t save him from. 

“Dean,” Castiel whispers, sitting up in bed and closing his eyes. A tear of his own falls down his cheek as he listens to Dean try to catch his breath. “It’s okay, Dean. It’s okay. I’m here.”

His reassuring words just cause a fresh series of hitched sobs and gasping breaths. Castiel has never missed his wings more than he does right now. He’d give anything to be beside the man he loves, holding him as he cries. 

It takes so much to make his beautiful human cry. 

Castiel feels sick to think of what happened. 

“It’s okay, Dean. It’s okay.” Castiel clenches Dean’s flannel tight to his chest, burying his nose in it. It barely smells like him anymore, but every once in a while, a rare inhale will bring Castiel his scent. He could really use one of those right now. “It’s okay, Dean.”

“‘S not,” Dean finally manages to say. “Not okay.”

“I know.”

The two grow silent. Well, Castiel is silent. Dean continues crying, though he’s starting to manage it now. The sobs have been replaced with shaky breaths and tiny, choked  whimpers. 

Castiel gives him all of the time he needs. It takes seventeen minutes before Dean finally sucks in a deep breath and talks again. “Did you get Sam’s message?”

Feeling guilt overwhelm him, Castiel admits, “I haven’t been listening to them, no.”

“What if something happened?”

“If something big enough happened, I know the two of you would tell Jody.” Castiel picks a fuzzy off of Dean’s flannel. “I listened to them at first, but it hurt too much, Dean. I am sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry. Fuck... Cas - Cas, I’m so fucking sorry I ruined us.” 

Dean starts to cry again, his breathing on the brink of panic. “Dean, you and I, we’re infinite. You understand me? We are bigger than this fight. We can’t be ruined.”

The man on the other end of the line huffs a laugh. “We aren’t bigger than him.”

“Bigger than who, Dean?”

“Chuck.” Castiel’s heart leaps in his throat. Before he can ask for clarification, Dean says, “He’s back. Wrote us a cute little story today. Brought Lilith back to star in it. Took the gun and destroyed it. Made it clear the only way our story ends is with me killin’ Sammy, or Sammy killin’ me.”

Castiel has to clench his teeth to keep from growling in anger. He takes in three very deep breaths to calm himself before he speaks to Dean, not wanting to make things worse. His voice still trembles as he says, “We’ll fight him.”

“Yeah, that’s exactly what Sammy said.” 

“We’ve fought so many things, Dean. We’ve overthrown heaven. Hell. We can win this.”

“No. We can’t. Those were all his stories. Don’t you see that now? Team free will was never even real. Chuck created it for us.” Dean laughs. The sound is on the brink of hysterics. “How fucked up is that?”

“Dean-”

“I missed hell today.” Castiel’s breath is stolen from his lungs. He opens his mouth to speak, but no words break past the barrier of his lips. “Lilith started cutting me up, tearin’ into me like Alistair used to. At first, I felt so much fuckin’ fear, Cas. I thought ‘no way, this can’t be happening, I can’t go through that again,’ but then the strangest calm washed over me, and I thought ‘maybe hell wouldn’t be so bad.’ The pain made sense in hell, ya know? Alistair stood in front of me. Showed me the weapons. Hell, that sadistic bastard liked to talk me through everything he was doing. Liked to explain it to me in detail. He made me understand. I always  _ understood _ , Cas. And when he let me off the rack? I became the god of every soul they put in front of me. The master of their fate. Things made sense, and I had control, and I missed it. I missed it so much I couldn’t breathe.”

Castiel closes his eyes, images of Dean in hell flashing behind his eyelids. Covered in blood as Alistair carved into him. Trying to be strong, then eventually breaking down and begging for mercy. Castiel had watched it all, not having permission to go retrieve him yet. He hadn’t understood at the time - couldn’t the angels see Dean was breaking? Didn’t they understand they needed to hurry before Dean broke the first seal? - but he understands now. 

He opens his eyes, not wanting to see Dean like that anymore, but the images stick with him. They paste themselves on the shadowed walls of his room. And these ones are worse. These are the ones he saw first hand, when he charged into hell to save Dean Winchester’s soul. 

Dean covered in blood that was not his own, carving into a soul that’s begging for mercy, laughing sadistically while singing along to the classic rock songs booming from his torture room’s radio. 

“Do-” Castiel pauses, clearing his throat before trying again. “Do you still miss it?”

The line crackles as if Dean moves against it, but the man doesn’t say anything at first. He just takes in a few surprisingly even breaths. Castiel would give anything to feel those breaths against his skin right now. To lie naked, chest to chest with the man he loves, chuckling at the way Dean’s breath tickles against him. 

He almost finds himself smiling. 

“I miss you,” Dean says eventually, not answering Castiel’s original question, but answering the one Castiel cares about more instead. 

“I miss you, too, Dean.”

They stay on the phone for a long time after that, neither of them speaking. They just listen to each other breathe, finding comfort in the fact that the man they love is on the end of the line, still alive. Still okay. 

Just as the sun is rising, Dean whispers, “He’s gonna win, isn’t he?”

Castiel stares at the sky changing colors through his window. He wonders how a monster like Chuck could create something so beautiful. How does such a sadistic being create sunrises and meteor showers? A child’s giddy laughter? A bumble bee finding the perfect flower? 

How could that monster have ever created Dean Winchester? 

“He might, Dean.”

“I’m scared.”

Knowing what it means for Dean Winchester to admit that, Castiel’s heart breaks. “I am too.”

“Will you come home? I-” Dean pauses to sniffle, then laughs softly into the phone. “I wanna be with you when it ends. I need to be with you.”

Castiel nods, even though Dean can’t see him. “I’m on my way.”

**Author's Note:**

> Check out my tumblr @ destiel-love-forever if you haven't yet to see other Supernatural content or even just to chat (:


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